Is It Okay for My Spouse to Have Close Friendships With the Opposite Sex?

Is it okay for my spouse to have close friendships with the opposite sex? That's just one of the questions we'll be answering on today's edition of CORE Christianity. So with your question, here's the number. It's 833-THE-CORE.

That's 1-833-843-2673. Now you can also post your question on one of our social media sites, including YouTube. You can watch Adriel live right now in the studio on YouTube and send him your question that way. And of course, you can always email us at questionsatcorechristianity.com. First up, let's go to Evan, who's calling in from Omaha, Nebraska. Evan, what's your question for Adriel?

Hey, good afternoon. Thanks for taking my call. I was curious for your thoughts.

If a church body says that the Bible is the authoritative word of God, but then they also claim that it can make errors in things that aren't theological, like history events or science, geographical locations, that sort of thing. Is that something to be concerned about, in your opinion? Thank you. Evan, thank you for that question.

My answer is yes. I do think that that is something to be concerned about. A couple of things. You know, sometimes people will say, well, you know, for so many years people thought that the Earth was the center of the universe and they would appeal to the Bible. And so, you know, there was this error that was made, essentially. And some people were saying that the Scriptures were what made that error. And so we have to focus on its context.

We have to recognize what it is communicating to us in any given context. And we don't believe that the Bible contains errors. And especially errors with regard to history, I think it's really important. The Christian faith is rooted in history. That's one thing that sets the Christian faith apart from so many other belief systems, is we're saying Jesus Christ actually came, was crucified under Pontius Pilate, suffered, was buried, rose again from the dead. It's a historical reality that has real implications for every person who's ever lived on the planet.

I mean, this is our hope. And so if you begin to say that the Bible is historically compromised, well, that didn't really actually happen. Adam didn't actually exist, those sorts of things. Well, you undermine the Christian faith, you really do. And sometimes, you know, in the 20th century there were a group of people who said we really need to get rid of the, you know, the modern man can't embrace and doesn't want to embrace the miraculous.

We've grown beyond that. We need to minimize all that talk about the resurrection and the miracles of Jesus and focus really on what they called the core of the Christian message, which is, you know, the universal brotherhood of mankind, the fatherhood of God. We're called to love each other and to do good. That's what Christianity is all about.

That's the kernel. We can get rid of, you know, the husk, all the other stuff, the miracles. And the goal that they had there was in one sense to preserve Christianity in the modern world, but at the end of the day, what they ended up doing is destroying it, undermining the faith. And I'm afraid that a lot of times when people make these kinds of claims, they're thinking, well, we're trying to protect Christianity, but they're one, not interpreting the Bible the right way to begin with, and two, minimizing so often the core of the Christian message, which is centered on the miraculous work of our Lord Jesus Christ.

And so, yes, I think that if a church is making these kinds of claims and saying, well, you know, the Bible is right in some, you know, maybe some of its moral teaching and the theology, but the other stuff we don't really have to pay attention to it on, yeah, I would definitely be concerned, and I would also be concerned that maybe just the way they're viewing some of the texts that they think are, you know, making scientific claims or something like that, if they're really understanding those passages correctly. And so, Evan, I appreciate the question, and may God give you wisdom and discernment. It sounds like you're making a decision about a particular church to go to.

Is that right? Truly, and I guess I would ask a follow-up then, and great answer, I really appreciate it. If you found yourself in a church like that, would you stay in that church and try to convince them otherwise, or would you leave that church because you just can't be a part of an organization that sees the Bible that way? Yeah, super, and honestly, just such a difficult situation to be in, I know, because you can fall in love with the people at a church, and you can even be encouraged and ministered to by, you know, what's happening there, even in areas where you don't totally agree with everything. You can still affirm, you know, I believe that these brothers and sisters love Jesus and are walking with him, but for me personally, yes, there would come a point where I would just have to say, I think that this is a serious enough issue. And especially when we're talking about the authority of Scripture, let me just say in the history of the church, and even in the last century, you see this with a lot of the mainline denominations, as churches have minimized the authority of God's word, that's where the slippery slope really begins. That's where you start to see all sorts of other things beginning to infiltrate the church and her theology that are not helpful, because the moment you say the Bible is not the authoritative word of God in the things that it's communicating to us and what it intends to communicate, well, then you open the door for, well, you know, Paul's moral teaching here related to homosexuality. Was that just contextual?

Did he, you know, he didn't know what we know today scientifically, and so forth. And so you begin to open the door for all sorts of other issues, and we've seen that in a lot of denominations, in particular the mainline denominations, many of which have gone so astray, and it started with an undermining of Scripture's authority. And so maybe the church that you're talking about has not gone that far off the deep end yet, but when we start to chip away at the Bible's authority, I think that in time, more and more sound doctrine gets eroded until you're left with a disaster. Again, God bless you and give you wisdom, and just, you know, one of the things you said is, should I stay and try to change things? I think communicate how important this issue is and your own personal concern, but it's a really hard situation to be in where you're trying to change a church from the bottom up.

It has to be something that the leadership is on board with, and so I would say have conversations with the leadership there and see if maybe the Lord doesn't do something through that, but if there's really no interest in going in that direction, then I think, yeah, maybe it is time to find a different church. Really good counsel, Adriel, and what's so fascinating to me is just all the archaeological evidence in recent years that basically confirms what we read in Scripture, whether it's times or places or names, and they go, oh, well, you know, that's actually in the Bible. That's right. I mean, it really is quite remarkable and something that I think should bolster our faith, but I do want to just highlight the fact that Christianity is historically rooted, what we believe. We believe God really sent his Son into the world and that Jesus really did walk the earth and perform these miracles and rise from the dead. These aren't just sort of fables, cunningly devised fables, as Peter says, that we're following because they have these great moral teachings that we can derive from them. No, that's not what this is. We're talking about God really did conquer death historically in his Son, Jesus Christ, and so much of the Christian faith is rooted in that reality that if you're undermining that, you're really striking at the vitals of what we believe.

So well said. This is Core Christianity with Pastor Adriel Sanchez. We'd love to hear from you if you have a question about the Bible or the Christian life, something going on at your church, some doctrinal issue that's concerning you. Here's the number. It's 833-THE-CORE.

That's 1-833-843-2673. Let's go to Dee in Bakersfield, California. Dee, thanks for holding on. What's your question for Adriel? Okay, Brother Adriel, I know we're in the last days and that being said, I've had this question on my mind for quite a while that will people like say, Judas Iscariot who betrayed Christ and Charles Manson and the Antichrist, will they end up spending eternity more than likely in hell or will they have time to make it right with the Creator?

Dee, thank you for that question. For those who perish outside of Christ, having rejected Him, not believing in Him and His work, they don't get a second chance at salvation after they die. It's appointed for all men to die once and then comes the judgment, says the author to the Hebrews. Now, could they have been saved? That's one question that we sometimes get when you think of Judas or those who have committed terrible sins or betrayed the Lord. And that's where we're getting into discussions about the sovereignty of God and human responsibility, but we know that the free offer of the Gospel goes out promiscuously to all people and that it's a real offer, that God is truly stretching out His hands to the world saying, turn to me, that Jesus cried out, come to me all you who labor and are heavy laden and I will give you rest. And that's a real offer to those who are broken and tired and that there are those calls for all sinners everywhere to repent, to turn to God. And so that's what they were called to, so many who rejected that and turned their backs upon the Lord and His word, and they will suffer the consequences of their own sin, of what they chose in God's just judgment. But with that, we can also say that there is great hope for those who do turn to Christ, even those who have committed terrible sins, and the Bible is filled with those kinds of stories. Of course, you think of Saul of Tarsus, who was a persecutor of the church, enabling those who martyred Stephen in the book of Acts to do so, encouraging them even to do so, and then dragging Christians to prison, families, whole families. I mean, that's who he was.

He was full of bloodlust. And yet the grace of the Lord Jesus Christ broke through to him. And so we should hold out hope for terrible sinners while here on earth, that God is able to redeem them. We should pray for them. But there's no indication that after death, they have another opportunity to be saved or to repent.

Their fate is sealed at that point. So, Dee, thank you for your question. You're listening to CORE Christianity. We'd love to hear from you if you have a question about the Bible or the Christian life. Here's our number, 833-THE-CORE.

That's 1-833-843-2673. Let's go to Yvette, who's calling in from Missouri. Yvette, what's your question for Adriel?

Hello. I enjoy your program. Thank you, Yvette.

Thank you for giving us a call. My question is, when a person receives the gift of the Holy Spirit, does it require speaking in tongues? Is speaking in tongues the only evidence that someone has received the Holy Spirit? Yvette, thank you for that question.

The answer is no. When someone is filled with the Holy Spirit, and I would say one, the moment a person believes and receives the Gospel, they are sealed with the Holy Spirit of promise. It's a wonderful thing.

It's a beautiful thing. And gifted by God, gifted by the Holy Spirit in unique ways for the building up of the body of Christ. In the apostolic church, one of the gifts that the Apostle Paul mentioned was the gift of tongues. There are others, if you read 1 Corinthians 12 or Ephesians 4, or also Romans, Romans 12. They're not exhaustive lists, but Paul talks about some of the ways in which the Holy Spirit was gifting people at various points of redemptive history. But there are some, and I'm guessing that this is where your question comes from, there are some who teach that speaking in tongues is the sign, the sign that you have been filled with the Holy Spirit. And I just have a really difficult time with that for a number of reasons, but one, it's very clearly not the case, because in 1 Corinthians 12, as Paul is talking about spiritual gifts, he says this in verse 27. You are Christ's body and individually members of it, and God has appointed in the church first apostles, second prophets, third teachers, then miracles, then gifts of healings, helps, administrations, various kinds of tongues.

And then he asks a rhetorical question in verse 29. All are not apostles, are they? All are not prophets, are they?

All are not teachers, are they? All are not workers of miracles, are they? All do not have gifts of healings, do they? All do not speak with tongues, do they?

All do not interpret, do they? But earnestly desire the greater gifts, Paul said. The point there is, look, not everyone has the same gift. Now this, not even getting into the question of whether or not the miraculous gifts are still around for today, normative for the life of the church, Paul makes it clear that there, in that context, not everyone had the gift of tongues. And so how strange would it be for a pastor or a preacher or an apostle to come along and say, unless you speak in tongues, you don't really have the Holy Spirit. Paul contradicts that right here in 1 Corinthians chapter 12, and one of the dangers with this kind of teaching is it makes people feel like unless they have, you know, a particular gift, one particular gift, they're not really filled with the Holy Spirit. What if I told people, unless you're able to teach with all clarity and wisdom, you know, the Word of God, you don't have the Holy Spirit.

Or what if I chose one of the other gifts there? Administration, which many of us, especially pastors, don't have. I'm speaking about myself here. But what if I said, you know, if you don't have the gift of administration, you must not be filled with the Holy Spirit. I mean, that's a sign that you're filled.

No, it's just ludicrous. And so it's a bad teaching out there that's floating around in the church that says, unless you speak with tongues, you're not filled with the Holy Spirit. Actually, the true sign that we're filled with the Holy Spirit, you know what it is.

Paul talks about it in the very next chapter, 1 Corinthians chapter 13. It's love. It's the fruit of the Holy Spirit.

It's not, you know, these miraculous things that we conjure up. It's love and the fruit of the Holy Spirit. And so that's what we ought to be pursuing in our lives as we set our hearts upon the Lord Jesus Christ. God bless you to that.

Good word. And Yvette, thanks so much for your call. Thanks for listening to CORE Christianity. We'd love to hear from you. If you have a question about the Bible or the Christian life, we'll be taking calls for the next 10 minutes or so. And we'd love to have you call us. Here's the phone number. It's 833-THE-CORE.

That's 1-833-843-2673. We also want to mention a free resource we have available. We have a lot of calls that come in about spiritual warfare and Satan and his demons and how much influence they have in this world today and how much impact they can have on our lives. Go ahead. Well, I was just excited about this resource, Bill.

So that's why I cut. It's called Can the Devil Read My Mind? And as you were saying, we do get a lot of these. We do get a lot of questions about spiritual warfare.

I want to read a quick excerpt from this booklet written by Pastor David Cassidy. He says, When Jesus came into the world as Savior, God launched the invasion to overthrow the power of death and evil. The Bible's narrative is not that Satan was attacking Jesus, but rather that Jesus goes on the attack against Satan and he's determined to conquer him completely.

I love the way that's put. We often think of Satan attacking the people of God and Jesus. No, here Jesus is on the offensive when he comes to earth. And just such a wonderful biblical perspective that Pastor Cassidy gives us. And as you said, Bill, it's a free resource that people can get over at corechristianity.com.

Once again, it's called Can the Devil Read My Mind? You can find that at corechristianity.com forward slash radio. And while you're at our website, check out some of the other great resources we have. And if you believe in this ministry, if you love what we do, we'd love to have you prayerfully consider making a gift to Core Christianity. You can learn more about that as well at our website corechristianity.com. Well, we do receive voicemails here at the core.

And here's one that came in from one of our listeners named Patty. The question that I have for Pastor is regarding marriage. If you are married, is it okay for your spouse to go ahead and have a close relationship with another female, as to speak on a daily with them on the phone or text, go see them, meet with them, for whatever reason? Is that okay in a marriage in the eyes of God? Because I was told by my pastor that it is okay for that to happen, that there's nothing wrong with it.

So I just wanted to know what your opinion is on that, because I don't agree with that, but I just, maybe I'm wrong. Thank you. Hey, Patty, God bless you. So a couple of things. One, your spouse should not do anything that's making you uncomfortable. You should be your spouse's priority. And so if your spouse is having conversations with another woman, or, hey, let's go grab coffee, that kind of a thing, and you're concerned about this, out of a love for you, your spouse should just say, of course not.

Like, I never want you to get the wrong idea, or I never want you to feel like you're not the priority in my life. I mean, I don't think there's anything wrong with that. So I think you need to communicate clearly to your spouse. And I think that your spouse ought to, out of a love for you, as his bride, a zeal for you.

Not do anything that would cause you to be uncomfortable like that. So you asked the question, is that okay in the eyes of God? And of course, if you're looking for one Bible verse in particular, it's not a Bible verse that says, don't have friends that are the opposite sex. But I think we're talking about a wisdom issue here. I know, for me, in my own life, in my marriage, if I started hanging out a lot with another woman that wasn't my wife, and we were texting and calling every day, that would raise some serious concerns for my wife. I just know she wouldn't be bothered by that.

And I would never want to make her feel uncomfortable. And there's just a lack of, it seems, wisdom there. That's sort of, if you're cultivating and building this relationship with a person who is not your spouse, of the opposite sex, and you're spending alone time together, just a lack of wisdom, a lack of prudence. And so I have an issue with it.

I don't think that it's a good idea. And with that, let me just say another thing, because I know that the concern on the other side is, man, so often, in these kinds of relationships, men will just view women as a stumbling block. And I think that that's a problem too, the objectification of the opposite sex. I think that that's an issue.

And so that's not what we, it shouldn't be, well, you're just a cause for temptation and so I need to avoid you sort of a thing. No, I think that there can be genuine friendships between people of the opposite sex. But I think that doesn't have to look like, and probably shouldn't look like, we're going out to dinner together and hanging out all the time and having conversations every day.

I think that that's, frankly, a recipe for disaster. And it sounds like there's some unhealthy relational things there as well. If a spouse just didn't care that that was happening, it just doesn't make sense to me, because it seems like, in our own marriages, we can afford to do a better job dating our spouses.

But if you have time to quote-unquote date or to spend all this time with this other person, there's just a real issue there. And so, yes, I have a problem with it, and would not have given you the same advice, it sounds like, that your pastor gave. And of course, I don't know all of the ins and outs of the situation, and yet it still does raise some concern for me, and I hope that you can have a conversation.

This is you, the situation that you're in, that you can have a conversation with your husband about how this makes you feel, and that he'll be sensitive to that, and pursue you and date you and love you and prioritize you. And that doesn't mean that we have to, like I said, that doesn't mean that we can't be friendly with other people. But what that looks like on the ground, I think we need to exercise wisdom and prioritize our own spouses and our families. And so, Patti, God bless you, and thanks for reaching out. Good word. Thanks for that, Adrian.

Would you add anything to that, Bill, too? I would tell you, when I heard her description there, the red flags went up all over the place. Yeah, me too. I'm surprised the pastor gave that sort of counsel. And again, we don't know the full story there, but yeah.

She's texting every day and spending all this time with this other woman? I'm sorry. That's right, yeah. And I think I'm just guessing maybe the pastor gave that counsel, because we don't want to say, no, you can't have... The Bible doesn't say that, right? So what does it mean for us to be friendly and kind to people, but to exercise wisdom in our relationships and to exhibit a zeal and love and passion for our wives, for our spouses, and to guard that and to protect that as the people of God?

And so, yeah, I'd be curious to hear maybe some more of what the rationale for that advice was, but may God bless Patti and all those who are listening as they think about relationships. It's such a practical and important thing, right? And of course, the Bible tells us very clearly as husbands to love our wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. Boy, isn't that important? Yeah, absolutely. Bill is quoting from the book of Ephesians there. And that kind of devotion, that kind of zeal, that kind of sacrificial love is how husbands should pursue their wives and love them. And so I'm glad that you brought that text up because it's relevant to that question. May God bless. .