Has the Nuclear Family Bombed? Part 1

The Bible instructs the fathers and mothers of those of us that are worthy of honor. If you want to find out more, turn in your Bible now to Exodus, chapter 20. We'll begin in verse 12. Once again, here's Adrian chapter 12. The Bible also is the first commandment with promise.

Honor the Lord and honor your father and your mother that you may live long in the land that the Lord your God has given to you. God created the nuclear family. We have to ask, has the nuclear family bombed? I mean, is there hope?

And there is. Why did God give us families? Well, first of all, for living.

So we could live together. Your family is a little part of the Garden of Eden that we have carried with us. Children need families.

You don't have to be a rocket scientist to understand that, but not only for living, but for learning. These Ten Commandments were given primarily to the home, not to the school, not to industry, not to government. They apply there. But they're given primarily to the home. As I've told you before, we need to stop complaining about the Ten Commandments not displayed on the walls of the classroom.

We ourselves don't display them and teach them in our very own homes. The home is given for living. The home for learning and for lasting. He says that you may live long in the land. Look, if you will, in verse 12, that thy days may be long upon the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee. When the home begins to decay, it follows as night follows day.

The nature begins to decay. I want to talk to you today not so much about honoring your father and your mother as to being the kind of fathers and mothers that the children can honor. Because, very frankly, I cannot from this pulpit teach your children to honor you.

That's your responsibility. So I want us to look at it primarily from the parent's point of view, how parents can honor their children so that the children might honor their parents. I want to talk to you primarily about being the kind of mom and dad that is worthy of honor. Now, whether you're worthy or not, there's a sense in which all children ought to honor all of their parents. But, oh, how much better when we live honorable lives before them. And I want to say a word, just put a little caveat here before we go more deeply into the message and relieve you from the burden of perfectionism.

Let's just go ahead and admit it. There has not been a perfect parent on this earth since Adam and Eve, and they failed. Don't get the idea that you have to be a perfect parent. You're not a perfect parent, and your children are not perfect children.

And I want to say something else. You cannot guarantee the way your children will turn out. Some people have almost put themselves in an early grave because they've had a wayward child, and they have prayed and sacrificed and loved and taught, and that child has done wrong. And somebody has taken Proverbs 22, verse 6, and beat that person over the head with it. So doesn't the Bible say, train up a child in the way that he should go?

And when he's old, he'll not depart from it? Friend, that is a proverb. If you read the book of Proverbs and try to turn the Proverbs into promises, you lose your faith. A proverb is a proverb. A promise is a promise. A precept is a precept. A parable is a parable. A prophecy is a prophecy. And when you understand the Bible correctly, it's a wonderful book.

But you better be careful. I mean, there are proverbs that tell you the way to be wealthy. Does that mean that everybody who follows one of these proverbs is automatically going to be wealthy?

Then why are the godly people who are not wealthy? A proverb is a general principle, generally applied, brings a general result. Even our normal natural proverbs, you know what a proverb is, it's a short sentence based on long experience. We use proverbs today like, early to bed and early to rise will make you healthy, wealthy, and wise.

Well, I suppose that's true, but you might get hit by a truck. I mean, it's a proverb. It's a general principle. Now, indeed, it is a promise that this is a principle. I'm not trying to say the Bible is not true or not to be taken seriously.

It is. But you have to understand this, that God gave your child a will. God gave your child a will. God had two children in the Garden of Eden, and they didn't turn out too swift.

Why? Because God gave them a will. That's the reason that you ought not to have goals for your children. I don't have goals for my children. I have desires for my children. You know who I have goals for? Me.

For me. Why? Because I can't control them. I can control me, by God's grace. So, my desire is that I will have godly children. My goal is I will have Godly children. I will be a godly dad.

You understand the difference? I will. God helping me, I will be a godly dad. I have a desire for godly children, and I do believe there is a principle, a proverb, that if I will train up my child in the way that he should go, he or she will not depart from it. I'm not trying to put you under a guilt burden today. Really, I'm trying to encourage you, but in it all, you must understand that your children do have a will of their own, and I want to relieve you from the burden of perfectionism to think if your child fails, it's because you weren't perfect.

Well, then, if their success depends upon your perfection, they will fail, because none is perfect. I'm not. You're not. It is of the grace of God that any of us survive this thing called parenthood.

Amen and amen. Don't pretend to your children you're perfect. Number one, they already know you're not. They already know you're not.

They already know it. They don't want to know, are you perfect? They want to know, are you real? Are you real?

Are you genuine? If they know you're real and they watch you handle your mess-ups and your failures and your problems, they will learn far more from that than they'll learn from your phony perfectionism. But now, the Bible says we're to honor our fathers and our mothers. Well, how do we live in such a way that our children can give us honor? Let me give you some ways. Number one, and I'm going to give you about five ways. Number one, by loving them.

But now, listen carefully. Love is not giving your child what he wants or what she wants. It is giving to the child what that child needs. That is love. Let me say again. Love is not giving to the child what the child wants.

It is giving the child what the child needs. I mean, I am a grandfather. I've got the credentials and the scars.

I can prove it. All right, now, let me tell you how to love a child. Number one, by touching them. By touching them. I like the bumper sticker that says kids need hugs, not drugs.

That's a good one. And don't get the idea that you're not supposed to touch and hug your children, even your grown children. I was reading about the prodigal son when he came home. And in Proverbs chapter 15 verse 20, the Bible says his father fell on his neck and kissed him. Now, this was a grown man and a grown son had been away living in riotous living.

His father fell on his neck and kissed him and Jesus gave that with approval. That's the way a father's supposed to do. Do you know how to keep your girl and your boys from growing up to be sexually impure? Hug them often.

That's one of the ways. Don't let them get the idea that Hollywood has given that the only way to get hugs is sexual intimacy. Hug them often. Hug them affectionately. Hug them supportively. Hug them tenderly. Hug them playfully.

And even when that old teenage boy acts like, I don't want you to do it. Just go ahead and hug him. And dads, hug him. And let the children see the parents hug one another. Joyce and I were locked in a tight embrace when our grandkids came in the other day.

Walked in the kitchen. They just stood there and looked a while and then walked away. Oh, well, you know, what are they up to?

Well, that's okay. They see us loving one another. They need to understand that in order to be huggable and lovable they don't have to be into sexual intimacy.

Charles Swindoll said this. He said, Many a young woman who opts for immoral sexual relationships does so because she can scarcely remember a time when her father so much as touched her. Unaffectionate dads without wishing to do so can trigger a daughter's promiscuity. All of this leads me to write with a great deal of passion, Dads, don't hold back your affection.

Demonstrate your feelings of love and affection to both sons and daughters and don't stop once they reach adolescence. They long for your affirmation and appreciation. They will love you for it. More importantly, they will emulate your example when God gives them their own family. Now, you love them, therefore, by touching them. You love them another way by blessing them.

Did you know the Bible teaches that we have an awesome weapon? It's called a blessing. We can bless our kids with such an incredible way. When you give children the gift of the blessing, there are few things in life that give them more peace and confidence.

They need strokes, not pokes. They need you to bless them, to say, In the name of Jesus, my child, I bless you. Can you imagine what that does to a child when a dad just picks a child up and puts that child in his arms and says, Billy, I bless you out of heaven. They'll never forget it. My daddy blessed me.

I wonder how many children have been blessed by a daddy, by touching them, by blessing them, by comforting them. Little children hurt. Don't ever laugh at their pain when the doll is broken or when the lizard dies.

Or the turtle does the bottoms up and floats to the top. Hey, they hurt. And their pain and their world is just as real as yours. We've had several funerals for dogs in our family.

I mean the full thing. You go out there, flowers and everything. Bury that hound and hold hands. It's real to the child.

Sometimes it's real to the adults if we would admit it. And we need to give comfort to the child. Give comfort to these and pick them up and say, I understand.

I hope it will feel better later and kiss away those tears. I know what it is to hold a grown child in my arms and when her heart was so broken and my heart was broken, both of us cried like babies. Tell you another way to love them. That's by listening to them. We think we listen. I wonder how many times do we ever let them get a full sentence out of their mouth before we begin to tell them, uh-huh, now here's what you need to do. Here's what you need to do.

Here's what you need to do. We don't listen. One of the finest forms of communication is saying nothing. But just simply listening.

And if you have a teenager, you have to wait until the right time. Because I'll guarantee you there comes a time when they just clam up and close up. If they're just so sleepy, you want to go to bed, about 11 o'clock, they'll start talking. Let them talk. Just say, I'm going to pay the price.

If I don't sleep, I'm going to sit here. I'm going to listen. And especially if that teenager has a problem in his or her, quote, love life, end of quote, or if they're having problems about their own feelings about themselves, sit down and listen.

Love them steadfastly and consistently. You know, they need to know mom and dad love them regardless. And folks, listen, give your kids time to go through all these different stages. They're in all kinds of stages. We live in an age now where we want everything and we want it now.

We've got computers and fax machines. Give the kid time. Just be consistent. Love them with your prayers. Pray for them, pray for them, and pray for them some more. And lift them to the Lord. The most loving thing you can do is to call your children before the throne of grace in prayers.

So the first thing I'm saying, number one, is this. You must love them. You show you're the parents worthy of honor by loving them.

Number two, by lifting them. Listen to this verse, Colossians 3, verse 21. Now listen to this. Lest they be discouraged, wise encouragement. Here's the principle. The first principle was real love gives them what they need, not what they want.

Here's the second principle. Wise encouragement is better than lavish praise. Learn the difference between praise and encouragement. A lot of people think there is no difference, but there is a vast difference between encouragement and praise. Children need encouragement like a plant needs water.

Let me say that again. Children need encouragement like a plant needs water. They need it over and over again. And you need to catch them doing something right. And let them know through your encouragement that you believe in them. Let your speech affirm them.

Be positive and constantly affirm them. Pastor, what is the difference between encouragement and praise? Well, encouragement is twice as powerful as praise. For example, if your child comes home and he has straight A's and you say, oh, that's wonderful. You're brilliant. You're a hard worker.

You did all of these things. Daddy is so proud of you because you got straight A's. Her mom is so proud of you because look how clean your room is. I can see the rug.

Some of you mamas need a riding vacuum cleaner. I can see the rug. Look how clean you cleaned your room. I'm so proud of you. You did so good.

You cleaned your room. Do you know what that says? It says, I get approval when I do good. I can earn approval. If I will do good, then they will approve of me. When my performance is good, the approval rate goes up.

When my performance is bad, then my acceptance goes down and my self-image goes down with it. Praise says you are great because you did something. Now, there's nothing wrong with praise, but I'm just saying that encouragement is twice as strong as praise. Praise says you're great because you did something. Encouragement says it is great that something was done and I really appreciate it. There's a real difference there. Listen, encouragement looks at a child and values that child not primarily for what the child achieved, but for who the child is who is achieving it and saying you can do it. Thank you.

I'm so grateful for you. It's a fine line, but you think about it. How do you love them? How are you worthy? By loving them. By lifting them. Thirdly, by limiting them. By limiting them. Now, here's the principle. It takes firm restrictions to set children free.

Hello? It takes firm restrictions to set children free. It is your responsibility to liberate them by limiting them. For the iniquity which he knoweth because his sons made themselves vile and he restrained them not. He didn't set limits. Your child needs some limits. When God put Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden, he gave them all that they needed, but he also gave them some limits.

God said there's some things you shall not do. Now, when you give your child limits, these limitations will be tested over and over again. The restrictions that you give to your child will be tested by that child. He's going to push against them, and if they move, that child will have no security. But if you set limits, and those limits are firm and reasonable, and you love, remember what Josh McDowell says, he said rules without a relationship, bring rebellion. But they know you love. You've got those rules.

They push against those rules, and those rules don't move, then they have security. If you don't place limitations on your child to the child, it implies rejection. Now, let me tell you something. We all inwardly desire limitations.

We want them. And if you don't conquer your child's will, somebody else will. I'm telling you, if you do not conquer them, they will allow someone else to conquer them. Now, society looks upon setting rules as something bad. We have passed the Ten Commandments. Ted Koppel, ABC's Nightline personality, was addressing the 1987 graduating class at Duke University.

Listen to what he said. He said, in the place of truth, we have discovered facts. For moral absolutes, we have substituted moral ambiguity. We now communicate with everyone and say absolutely nothing. We have reconstructed the tower of truth. It is a tower of Babel, and it is a television antenna. A thousand voices producing a daily parity of democracy in which everyone's opinion is afforded equal weight regardless of substance or merit. And then, here's what he said.

Now, listen to this. What Moses brought down from Mount Sinai were not ten suggestions. They are commandments. They are and not were commandments.

The sheer brilliance of the Ten Commandments is that they caught up with the human behavior, not just for then or now, but for all time. Go to our website homepage at LWF.org slash radio and scroll down to find our prayer wall. You'll find the option to either submit a prayer request or pray for others or both. This resource is one of our favorite ways to keep the ministry and the community praying continually for one another.

We can't wait to hear from you today. Go to LWF.org slash radio and scroll down to our prayer wall. Now, if you'd like to order a copy of today's message, you can send it to us via email. has the nuclear family bombed, call us at 1-877-LOVE-GOD to order. Now this message is also part of the powerful series, A Perfect 10 for Homes That Win. With that complete collection, all 10 insightful messages, call that number 1-877-LOVE-GOD or go online to lwf.org slash radio.

Or you can write us at Love Worth Finding, Box 38600, Memphis, Tennessee 38183. Well, thanks for studying with us in God's Word today. Maybe today's a good day to evaluate your relationship. Do you honor your parents? Are you a parent worthy of honor?

Pray for God's guidance and grace as you learn to love your family well. And be sure to tune in tomorrow for the conclusion of has the nuclear family bombed right here on Love Worth Finding. We love hearing how this program is affecting your life. Here's a testimony we received not long ago. I love listening to Pastor Rogers and I believe he was a man filled with the Holy Ghost and the true Word of God. I'm a truck driver driving at night and it's the best part of my night when he's on the radio. I always look forward to sharing his sermon notes with my family. We love hearing that listeners like you are sharing the only love worth finding with others every day. This month for a gift of any amount, we wanna send you our 2020 Christmas cards featuring an original painting by artist Lacey Hancock. This bundle includes 10 cards and envelopes ready for you to share some comfort and joy with your friends at the end of a stressful year. Request a pack of the 2020 Christmas cards when you call with a gift at 1-877-LOVEGOD or give online at lwf.org slash radio.